5 Important Things I Learned in 14 Years of Marriage

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14 years of marriage2“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ ? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Matthew 19:4-6


Marriage is hard!

When I said I Do 14 years ago I meant it forever! However I did not know what forever truly meant!

It meant that through think & thin, ups & downs, good times & bad times I would always fight for our marriage! Bringing two people together to become one is a lot of work. It truly does take Jesus being front and center to make it all work. Even then we must die to self on a daily basis picking and choosing our battles wisely.

The first half of our marriage Jesus was not front and center however the last half He has been present and oh how that changes things.

I have learned SO much in 14 years of marriage that I pray what I have learned will help you draw closer to Him and bring glory to Him in your marriage.

Here are the 5 important things I learned:

1. Never stop praying for your spouse.

“give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their body. Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life,” Proverbs 4:20-23 (NASB)

When we go to Gods word we find words of life that we can breath into our marriages! Proverbs 4 warns us to change what fills our heart. Pray boldly with hope and confidence! God will be faithful to honor His word.

2. Pick and choose your battles wisely.

“By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established;by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” Proverbs 24:3-4

When we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus we see the blessings, we we take our eyes off of Jesus we see the mess. This lesson is very important part of a good marriage. There are so many things that can be fought about however picking when to fight and which ones to let go keeps the conflict way down.

3. Offer lots of grace.

“it is by grace you have been saved” Ephesians 2:8

When we understand the grace that God extends to us we can freely extend it to our spouses. It doesn’t mean we are ignoring faults or demanding change, it just means that we will choose grace over conflict. Our spouses are not perfect and neither are we, practicing extending grace builds trust in the marriage.

4. Forgive quickly & often.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

There are more times then none that your spouse will let you down. I can’t remember how many times I have been let down over 14 years of marriage however choosing to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus makes a huge difference. We don’t hold a score card to our husbands we forgive, pray and move on.  When we stay in unforgiveness too long our minds begin to be flooded with negative thoughts. Remember that God does not hold unforgiveness from us so we should not hold it from our spouses.

5. Your not your husbands Savior, Jesus is.

“For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13

14 years of marriage

I will be honest this one took me a long time to learn and I even have a hard time in some situations still. Its through our love for Christ and actions that will draw our husbands to the one that will bring change, Jesus. There will be times in your marriage when your spouse has taken their eyes off of Jesus, just know that God is with you holding your right hand to walk through that time with you. He will provide all you need to get help you through. During this time focus on your relationship with Christ continuing to walk Him out in front of your spouse.

I know there is still lots of things to learn as we walk side by side with another sinner but in the end its God who gets the glory not us! Hold fast that the closer we get to Jesus the better our marriage becomes. Each passing year proves to give more challenges that do just that, draw us closer as a couple and to Jesus. Don’t give up!

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-4

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Would love for you to share wisdom you have learned over the years in your marriage!

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About Sonya

I am a sinner saved by grace trying to move through this broken world as a wife, mom and homeschooler. I have 3 gorgeous sons {24, 17 & 11} and a wonderful husband of 13 years, that have my heart! I don't have all the answers however sharing my life with you in hopes that it will drawer you closer to Him. I pray that when you leave here you walk away knowing Him better.

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